We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
