Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
