I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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