i just wanna soil my oats bro
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
