I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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