Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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