I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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