we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My bed smells like the plague
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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