Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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