Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
