She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
