So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
