You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
