We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
