watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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