Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
