It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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