i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Success! We fucked roommates!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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