ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
