also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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