Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
