i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
