Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
