Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
