; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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