i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
