You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
