if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
