omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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