so explain again why im purple
no
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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