areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
