yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
