the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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