turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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