i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
