Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she pinky promised me she was 18
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
