Dual....:-)
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
