So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
