you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
