My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The best revenge is premature balding
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
