I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
