I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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