I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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