U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
