What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
