Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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