hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
