A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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