my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
