oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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