i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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