How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
