We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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